One of the essentials of being happy and living happily is to understand and to accept.
Understanding is knowing the logical relationship of events and their outcomes. It is also knowing to a further level what impact those outcomes can create. The more the knowing of impacts of the “impacts” the deeper an understanding would be.
Accepting is a different avenue. Although understanding helps us greatly in accepting but it is possible that people with a deep understanding of things, events or life may still have very little acceptance.
Acceptance is self reflection in contrast to the mightier forces that are at work. Acceptance is to accept that events, outcomes and people do not have to act or behave the way we want them to.
We can create genuine acceptance by following certain strategies:
1. To understand how universe works. It does not work as we usually have read in the books or observed in the movies. Its ways are strange and profoundly impacting e.g. in the laws of universal conscience, to possess something requires to get rid of any thoughts of possessing it. Strange? Yes it is, but this is how the universe works.
2. To understand that whatever way the universe works, we have to know that it certainly does not have to follow what we want and neither it does.
3. Stop thinking ways to make some one do things or behave we want them to do or behave.
4. Stop pushing ourselves to demand such outcomes and behaviours. Pushing ourselves involves thinking “what would have happened” and “how can I get him or her do that thing? ”
5. Some times some people think in a certain way about us. Despite all our efforts we cannot change the way they think. Let them think that way. For example if some one thinks that you always decline her views, when you are not in fact doing it and you have tried your best to communicate the fact, stop putting effort. This is about being happy.
6. In a general discussion among friends or colleagues even if you are right, do not try to prove that you are right.
7. Minimize usage of the words “I”, “me” or “mine” from your language and see what happens.
8. Listen to understand, not to reply.
9. Accept that you also, can be wrong. To accept this often try recalling in your mind, how many times you were wrong at so many things.
10. Accept what people tell you about them. Accept them to be true. This way you do not have to be bothered into thinking what people would be hiding in their heads or what would be the hidden motive in their thoughts. If some one is lying to you, sooner or later that person would not be able to hold it. So why bother about what goes inside peoples’ heads?Doubting others does one major damage. It does not let you believe in your self. It does not let you believe in the signs that you receive. It makes you skeptic of even the most pleasant people and events.
11. Do take risks in relationships.
12. Exercise empathy. Pause before replying.
13. Learn to receive love. Do not demand what you want or prefer. Some times people have nothing much to offer but their time or their words or their feelings. Do not demand acts. Do not demand that you be loved “the way” you want to be loved.
14. Ask some one how he or she thinks about life, love, relationships and you. Before asking that decide that you shall not question the thoughts. Only would listen and accept that.
From the collections of Hassan Bukhari. Read the opening pages of The Happiness Manual — free, or explore the coaching programs.